September 24, 2010

Since I still don't have official photos of my simple birthday dinner, I'll just have to eventually rant about it. Somehow, this has become an active blog. I don't know why, but I've been striving to keep this up and going rather than just making it sit idle in a sad corner with nonsensical things. Oh well, I'm pretty happy that I get to do this once in awhile.

Well, first of all, my birthday is something that I wasn't looking forward to at all. I never had a grand celebration, to say so. Those of my childhood years does not count since I'm pretty sure majority of the people experienced kiddy parties and the sort. I'm not complaining alright? I'm someone who's pretty passive with everything and a mere grand means little to me. Unless, the moment is to be counted for. 

If I may say so, when I woke up this morning, it didn't feel really special at all. It was just like any other normal day wherein you poke your head into something that makes little sense and proceed your day as planned. I woke up pretty early and I didn't know what to do. I was just lying in bed and singing to something I could barely understand, it was that type of day where you hazily just laze about. I wasn't looking forward to anything, truth be told. I knew it wasn't going to get any special and I knew it was bound to be just another dinner ritual people abide to whenever special occasions arise. I was being the pessimistic bitch, if you cloud that in. It was something to be alarmed for because I was wary of pushing through with dinner. I just wanted to drown myself in misery and just be left alone. 

Knowing that it couldn't mean any more, I was dragging my feet everywhere, feeling heavy as a whale. I didn't want to cancel because I'm pretty sure the people I invited shoved some of their time to make way for my empty dinner. Yes, empty. The reason why I don't look forward to any of my birthdays is because its always the same thing. People greet you but don't sincerely mean it. People are nice to you JUST BECAUSE its your birthday. Call me pessimistic, but I know better. It was always like that. 

And probably because I expected more.

I went to my workplace to actually clear my schedule for today so I can prepare things for later. Not that I needed a lot to be done. I just wanted to spend time alone before I mingled with sane people. I got my advance pay just so I could provide for my own. I didn't bother asking my father since it will be too much on his part. Top two reason why I felt like a drowned rat. I was expecting him to actually help me. It would be quite selfish if I pushed him to his limit even though he couldn't cough up anymore of those bills. So, I didn't bother asking. 

I went to church before heading out to the place where we were supposed to have dinner. I was quite excited, but not much. I just wanted to see the people I invited. I was first to arrive, of course. Sasha and Kirby came in thirty minutes after we climbed up the restaurant. My cousin came in just a little later. Anne and Michelle came last. I was caught up with the fun talking and I realized that I didn't need anything else but these people. When Anne and Michelle came and everyone I invited was finally complete, I was happy as I could be. 

I didn't need gifts or anything more, I was just really happy they came and spent my birthday with me. It was more than I could bargain for. Although my father wasn't there (because he insisted in staying home), my mom and brother were actually there to fill his spot, although it still felt incomplete. My aunt and cousin were also present. And four of the most important friends I have came and made the day even complete. 

It wasn't something I expected and I DID NOT even bother expecting anything. Just moments ago though, I was truly grateful it was my birthday. To be able to talk and eat with these people were the presents I just wanted for my special day. They were my ticket to happiness and I realized how stupid I was for actually thinking that it could not get any better. It was something more. Seeing as to how these people made the time for me despite the busy and crazy schedule they have made me think of how lucky I really am. All the doubts that clouded my expectations instantly vanished and I knew that I don't need a lot of things OR people to make my birthday worth it. 

Despite the incompleteness of my special day, I still managed to feel like the happiest person in the whole wide world. 

I was even happier as I read through my facebook wall and found a massive outbreak of greetings. It would have been in an infection if it were zombies. It made me happy in a lot of ways.

To the people who greeted me last night, I thank you too for waiting on that 12:00 am curf. It made me happy.

And to those people who celebrated with me, Sasha, Kirby, Anne, Mich, Mom, Kent, Ching, and Tita, thank you so much. It wouldn't have been special without you. Thank you so much.