It was between 3:00am to 10:00am that I got hooked up with the most awkward dream of the month or probably even of the year. It was awkward because of the people present and because of what happened. I ended up crying after. Up till this time, I remember it pretty dang well. It wasn't something scary though, it was like a severe burst of emotion that I can't seem to explain in a one-two-three motion. It will need about forever to actually narrate what happens.
I think it was because of what I found out last night. It wasn't unexpected, it was just that I refused to see what was happening. I was in denial and I thought that if I let a day pass, it would be alright. It would turn out different in the morning. But that was the most of it, it didn't get any better, from case to case, it got a bit severe and I think that I should just get over it. Don't get me wrong, I want to get over it. It's just that I can't. Not now, probably not the next day.
It doesn't take just thirty seconds of your time to get over the person you've liked for the past three miserable years of your life. It's quite honorific, right? But I guess, I've no choice but to let go of that thing, because after all, we have different people in our lives now. We're better of as good friends. I don't want to lose him because of that selfish perspective of actually wanting to be someone he cherishes for the rest of his life. Instead, I want to be there to comfort him whenever his love grows deficit and null. I want to be the one to pat his shoulders and head and tell him that it's going to be alright and that there are a lot more than a hundred fishes in the sea. I want to be the one to hug him and tell him that there are a lot more girls worth his time. Yes, I want to be the good friend.
We don't fit well either. We're not couple material and we both know that. He told me that before. It didn't hurt that much two years ago though. Why did he have to come back and ruin everything I've built? To just show up and break my barriers once again? It's not his fault though, its mine. I should have been stronger when I saw him again.
There's no use crying over spilled potion now. I guess it was fate to begin with. Now, I just need myself to keep the wheel spinning. It won't be hard, I just know it. I just have to look whats beyond and forget the whole terror of this unusual and unnecessary drama.
"But his heart was in a constant, turbulent riot. The most grotesque and fantastic conceits haunted him in his bed at night. A universe of ineffable gaudiness spun itself out in his brain while the clock ticked on the wash-stand and the moon soaked with wet light his tangled clothes upon the floor. Each night he added to the pattern of his fancies until drowsiness closed down upon some vivid scene with an oblivious embrace. For a while these reveries provided an outlet for his imagination; they were a satisfactory hint of the unreality of reality, a promise that the rock of the world was founded securely on a fairy’s wing."
-Excerpt from "The Great Gatsby", written by F.Scott Fitzgerald (1896 - 1940), 1925
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